A lot of women say that they are frightened of pregnancy and motherhood, not just for the awesome responsibility but the physical toll it takes on a woman's body. Let's face it - gravity and pregnancy don't usually conspire to make us tighter or more svelte. But motherhood in all its messy, crazy glory rewards women in other ways: making them wiser, more caring, and ultimately more beautiful.
We asked 3 moms - all Footsie guests at one point or another - to weigh in on how having kids has given them new ideas and perceptions of beauty. Our hot mommas are:
Britt Michaelian
The Smart Start Up Coach for Moms http://BrittMichaelian.com
3 children
Administrative Assistant at Towers Perrin
1 child
Author, business coach and publishing consultant - www.aliciadunams.com
1 child
Some things change (their personal meaning of the word "beauty"), and some things don't (the stretchmarks and saggy bellies). Ultimately, however, these women don't have a problem finding beauty in themselves - and teaching their children to do the same.
We hope that moms out there can sympathize. Feel free to add your own thoughts on the comment area!
Has your definition of beauty changed since having children? How so?
BRITT: Yes! When you look at your own children, you think they are absolutely gorgeous. When they smile, laugh, hug, kiss, sleep and even cry... there is beauty in each facet of humanity. I've learned to appreciate the beauty in everyone. When I took S Factor - yes, pole dancing class - I learned for the first time in my life to see the beauty in every woman's curves no matter how big or small. Sexy is an attitude. Beauty comes from within.
KAREN: My definition has not changed. No matter how caught up I might get sometimes with the media prescribed image of beauty, I’ve always leaned towards the theory that beauty is on the inside.
ALICIA: I approach beauty [post motherhood] in a more mature way. It's not what you look like rather, but how you act.
Do you feel more beautiful now that you are a mother, or less so? Why?
ALICIA: I am more beautiful as a mother because I have created a life and have a greater purpose than I did before.
KAREN: I feel less beautiful now but it has nothing to do with living the life of a mother; just the physical changes in my body that got me here.
BRITT: I do feel more beautiful now because I am confident and I really don't care too much about what others think of my appearance. Before I had children, I was very aware of the opinions of others and it did have an effect on me. Now, as long as my family is happy and healthy, that's all that really matters.
Do you have less body issues/concerns now that you are a mother, or more of them?
KAREN: About the same but their focus changed a little.
ALICIA: I think I have the same body issues, but they don't consume my day like they did when I was childless.
BRITT: Probably less.
What concerns you the most?
KAREN: My larger stomach and the abdominal skin that lost its elasticity, never to shrink back. I can deal with the cellulite and sagging (bras can work wonders!). I believe that one day, when I’ve decided to not have any more children, I’d like to get a tummy tuck to remove the sagging, stretched out skin but I don’t intend to suck out all the fat I’m too lazy to deal with in a healthy way. That’s something I’ll have to handle on my own.
ALICIA: Losing 5-10 pounds.
BRITT: My tummy will never be as flat as it was before three full term pregnancies. And while I would love to say that it doesn't bother me... honestly, I would love to have it fixed! I have tried working out, creams, lasers etc and unfortunately the only way to fix skin that is as stretched out as mine is to have surgery. I may do it one day, but for now it seems like a risk I can avoid by wearing a one piece bathing suit.
What do you do to address these concerns?
KAREN: Live with it as best I can, try not to look in the mirror much. I know I’m beautiful on the inside and the less I see myself in the mirror the easier it is to delude myself into thinking I look better than I do. Until I have the time and money for a personal trainer and chef, this will have to do.
ALICIA: Work out more.
What do you consider to be the most attractive aspect of you? How does this differ from before kids?
ALICIA: My laid back attitude and confidence.
BRITT: My attitude is my best feature. There is a confidence that comes with being a mother. You know that you love and you are loved and there is a security in knowing that. Before I had kids, I felt vulnerable and unsure of what my purpose was. After having kids, I knew that no matter what, if I was a loving mom, my kids would be the best investment of time and energy I could ever make. My kids were my top priority and they gave me purpose, which in turn gives me confidence.
KAREN: As a mother I don’t focus on my physical self as much as I did before children. I try to be of the opinion that this is who I am, if it’s not good enough for others, too bad. I’m here to be a good mother, not a model. If I spend too much time focusing on myself and my flaws then my daughter will pick up those cues and nasty habits. I don’t want her to grow up with a negative self-image or constantly worrying about it. I want her to be healthy in mind and body.
What do you do to make yourself feel beautiful and attractive?
BRITT: Self-care for me is a lot about having mental clarity and being relaxed. I don't take anything too seriously including myself. I take pretty good care of my skin with good products and facials. I'd like to say that I exercise, but I don't as much as I'd like to.
KAREN: It’s the little things that make me feel better since I don’t have as much time for myself as I once did. Getting a haircut, shaving, waxing, manicures, just taking care of myself. As a mom it’s so easy to let those things go in the interest of time and/or money.
ALICIA: Exercise and relax.
When your kids ask "what makes a person beautiful" - what do you say?
KAREN: Not everyone has the same idea of what’s beautiful just like not everyone likes the same food or the same color. It’s OK to think something is beautiful even if other people don’t agree with you. There is beauty on the outside as well as beauty on the inside. We can all see the outside but people are also beautiful on the inside because of the things they do or say such as being nice to each other and
helping each other.
ALICIA: [I say it's] their mind, attitude, confidence and, most importantly, how they treat other people.
BRITT: Confidence, kindness and love :)
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