The ultimate revenge

Having lunch the other day with some girlfriends, we couldn't help but giggle at Katheryn Bigelow, she of The Hurt Locker and First Female To Win Best Director Oscar. I mean, what are the chances that:

a) you directed the best movie of the year,
b) in the same year your EX HUSBAND directs the most successful film of all time,
c) everyone expects your best husband to win the Oscar, and
d) he doesn't, and YOU DO.

Isn't revenge sweeeeeeeeet?

I don't direct films in Syria, and thus can't win Oscars for my effort, but ohhhh how I wish I had a Bigelow moment as I was extricating myself from a long and messy relationship about 4 years ago. Of course it ended badly. And of course I had revenge fantasies left right and center of how I was going to show HIM how much better my life became without him.


Of course, anyone who's ever tried using someone else to fuel a desire for happiness will understand when I say it completely backfired. The more I tried to show HIM how frikkin' fantastic I was, the more miserable and hung up on him I remained. And the more I lit up the word "REVENGE" with my neon anger, the more bitter, bitchy and boring I was to boot. Nobody wanted to hang out with me lest I share my latest mental scenario ("I'd like to spray the word "LIAR" on his car with butane and light it on fire!" "I want to sneak into his house and put rat poison on his pizza!" - charming things like that). You can only imagine how that must have translated to my face: dark circles, flat eyes, bad skin - I was a Revenge Zombie in a B-rated horror movie.

Slowly but surely - and with a great big boost from my then good friend and now fiance - I learned to let go of my anger and focus on the brighter side of my life. After a job change, a few shopping trips and a re-entry into yoga, I started finding my balance again and - dare I say - learned to be happy through focusing on me.

That's kind of the main thing we try to foster at Footsie. Learning to look at yourself and like what you see; learning to focus on YOU as opposed to HIM or THEM or "WHAT THEY THINK" - that really is the best revenge. When you're trying to get over a man, get over him by getting into yourself!

Katheryn Bigelow's real revenge wasn't the fact she won an Oscar (though admittedly that is some very major icing on the cake). It was the fact that after her heartbreak, she picked up the pieces, threw herself into work that she loved, made a life and a name for herself and (seemingly) is now pretty dang happy.

I can only hope that when we host more divorce parties we can impart that "happy to be me" vibe to our ladies - because nothing helps a boudoir shoot like a confident, self-loving vibe. And nothing says "Hey boys - I'm BAAAAAAACK!" like a picture of you looking happy, and ready to rock and roll.

Spring Fling - how to be fertile in mind, body and heart

Spring has finally sprung! The days are longer, the nights are warmer, and all things in Nature are ready to wake up and get fertile.

"Fertility" usually refers to reproducing offspring - but for the modern female homo sapien, having a fertile mind and spirit is just as important as having ovaries that do their job right. After all, in our busy lives we don't just give birth to children - our ideas, thoughts, what we give to others and to ourselves are all part of our creative nature, and should all be celebrated.

Here are some ideas to jump start your spring and get your juices flowing!

A Fertile Body

Time was when a woman who couldn't conceive was considered somewhat of a failure in society. But in this day and age -  with all the added pollutants, stresses and responsibilities that women have - it's harder than ever to find the time, resources or even desire to have kids. Even though the optimal childbearing age for women is between 25-29 years,  most women are waiting til their 30s or even early 40s to have kids. That in turn creates a greater risk of infertility and birth complications.

As if that wasn't enough, The National Institute of Health has found that sperm counts in men have dropped dramatically. One study shows a yearly drop of average sperm count in the US at 1.5%. In Europeans, that number is double (maybe all that cigarette smoking?). Looks like we've got some slow swimmers in this lane...

If I even started with insurance costs at this point, this post would be a mile long. Suffice it to say that holistic strategies exist (athough we do recommend visiting a doctor of your choice -holistic or Western- to properly asses and diagnose anything). A couple of websites offer self-hypnosis and massage as a way to create a healthy and receptive environment for conception. The self-hypnosis doesn't just tackle medical reasons for infertility; it also helps deal with underlying emotions and other "mental blocks" that may exist in women trying to conceive. And massage, well, doesn't it help just about everything?!

Here's a sneak peak at the self-massage treatment:


A Fertile Mind

Springtime is a great occasion to open up new vistas and grow out of stagnant habits and thoughts. But how do you give your noggin the extra jolt it needs to feel new again? Unsurprisingly, the answer seems to be exercise. Just like working out your other muscles, your brain benefits from the blood flow and the "happy hormones" released by exercise, resulting in increased creativity. In a study conducted by the Creativity Research Journal, a group of 60 students was divided into 3 - one did no exercise, while the other 2 groups did. All groups were then given the Torrance Test for Creative Thinking (the second group of exercisers took their test 2 hours after the exercise, while the first group took it immediately after). It came as no surprise that the exercise groups scored significantly higher than the non-exercise group.

Another way to spark your brain up is by doing mental exercises. Braingle.com and other brain-teaser sites are choc full of activities you can do to improve memory, cognition, and reasoning. If all that feels just too much like high school for you, try a word game like Scrabble or Boggle - creatively thinking of ways to put words together may open up some room to be creative in other fields as well.

A Fertile Heart

How many more potential opportunities will you be able to find if you start meeting new people? Listening to new music?  If you signed up for a class or joined a volunteer group?

I recently joined the Rotary Club in San Francisco and was completely amazed to find out that the 100-year old organization I had just gotten inducted into was primarily responsible for eradicating polio from the planet. They took an epidemic where kids of a certain age knew at least one other kid permanently crippled from the disease, and turned it into an easily-administered inoculation that wiped the virus out and has confined it to only 4 countries. I had that awesome, rare moment where I truly felt how small I was in the world, but also a great desire to make that little bit mean something to the world before I left it.

Giving back, paying it forward - whatever you call it, creating happiness and restoring normalcy in the  life of an underprivileged person is just as precious and important as carrying a baby to term. There is no shortage of sadness and injustice in the world, and each of us have a responsibility to help alleviate as much of it as we can, while we can. A fertile heart may not get you instantly rich, or win you any awards (unless like Bill and Melinda Gates, you can afford to give $250 million at the drop of a microchip). But peace of mind and gratitude from strangers who have benefited from your generosity are priceless gifts that may well lead to other - more fruitful - things.

To find other volunteer resources near you, visit www.volunteerinfo.org and www.rotary.org




 

More Sexy Food - and an easy, luscious dessert recipe

Here we are with more foods that have proven to be "sexy" throughout history - whether as a virility booster, and aphrodisiac or just because they are shaped suggestively (check out thecommich's post on PETA's Superbowl Ad ).

Figs
An open fig is thought to emulate the female sex organs and traditionally thought of as sexual stimulant. A man breaking open a fig and eating it in front of his lover is a powerful erotic act. Serve fresh Black Mission figs in a cool bowl of water as it is done in Italy and be sure to eat with your fingers!

Garlic
The 'heat' in garlic is said to stir sexual desires. Make sure you and your partner share it together. Garlic has been used for centuries to cure everything from the common cold to heart ailments. This is a good time for moderation. Enjoy a pasta with a lightly garlicky sauce and it and lead up to something spicy in the bedroom later.

Bananas
The banana flower has a marvelous phallic shape and is partially responsible for popularity of the banana as an aphrodisiac food. An Islamic myth tells the tale that after Adam and Eve succumbed to the "Apple" they started covering their "nudity" with banana leaves rather than fig. From a more practical standpoint bananas are rich in potassium and B vitamins, necessities for sex hormone production.

Asparagus
Given it's phallic shape, asparagus is frequently enjoyed as an aphrodisiac food. Feed your lover boiled or steamed spears for a sensuous experience. The Vegetarian Society suggests "eating asparagus for three days for the most powerful affect".

Ginger
Ginger root raw, cooked or crystallized is a stimulant to the circulatory system. Perhaps a stir-fry with freshly grated ginger can stir something spicy up in the bedroom later.

Coriander (Cilantro seed)
The book of The Arabian nights tells a tale of a merchant who had been childless for 40 years and but was cured by a concoction that included coriander. That book is over 1000 years old so the history of coriander as an aphrodisiac dates back far into history. Cilantro was also know to be used as an "appetite" stimulant.

Vanilla
The scent and flavor of vanilla is believed to increase lust. According to the Australian Orchid Society, "Old Totonac lore has it that Xanat, the young daughter of the Mexican fertility goddess, loved a Totonac youth. Unable to marry him due to her divine nature, she transformed herself into a plant that would provide pleasure and happiness." Fill tall Champagne glasses to the rim and add a vanilla bean for a heady, bubbly treat.

...And finally - let's put a couple of these sexy ingredients to the test with a little dessert!

Thanks to Epicurious for a fast, easy recipe that includes 3 of our featured aphrodisiacs

BAKED APPLES STUFFED WITH HONEY, ALMONDS AND GINGER

Sexy Food part I - Aphrodisiacs in your everyday cooking

We all know about the naughty reputation of oysters (though some of us prefer not to go near that very, er, unique, texture). But who knew the humble almond could get your significant other hot under the collar? Or that the root word for "avocado" was something you probably wouldn't want your kids to hear?

Aphrodisiacs are all around our kitchen - and just like summoning the goddess in you that's just waiting to come out, cooking sexy can be as simple as looking at what's in the fridge.

Footsie SF's resident caterer, Carrie Primavera, sheds some light on foods that have been celebrated for their aphrodisiac powers throughout the centuries - and she uses them in all the food we serve at our parties. Sometimes it's based on the shape of the veg, other times it's the heat it lends your palate (and hence, your body). One thing's for sure though - these foods are best shared with someone special.

Almonds - A symbol of fertility throughout the ages. The aroma is thought to induce passion in a female (almond perfume anybody?). Try serving Marzipan (almond paste) in the shapes of fruits for a special after-dinner treat.

Avocado - The Aztecs called the avocado tree Ahuacuatl which translated means "testicle tree" (I told you, you don't want your kids to know.) The ancients thought the fruit hanging in pairs on the tree resembled the male's testicles. This is a delicious fruit with a sensuous texture. Serve in slices with a small amount of Balsamic vinegar and freshly ground pepper.

Carrots - Carrots are believed to be a male stimulant. The phallus shaped carrot has been associated with stimulation since ancient times and was used by early Middle Eastern royalty to aid seduction (did Bugs Bunny know how sexy he was?). High in vitamins and beta-carotene. Perhaps a justification for a piece of carrot cake?

Honey - Many medicines in Egyptian times were based on honey including cures for sterility and impotence. Medieval seducers plied their partners with mead, a fermented drink made from honey. Lovers on their "Honeymoon" drank mead and it was thought to "sweeten" the marriage.

**More aphrodisiac foods - and sizzling recpies -  coming in the next post!