As a soon-to-be-wed woman, I never thought I would get the "new name jitters." After all, I am a Filipina born and bred, and along with the culture comes the inborn machismo we inherited from the Spanish (by the way, congratulations on the World Cup!) I spent my childhood like most young Filipinas, doodling my first name along with the last name of the boy I happened to have a crush on that week, fantasizing about our happy marriage, the big house we would live in and how cute our 6 children would be. (Um yeah... that was 20-odd years ago).
It started innocuously enough when my fiance and I finally opened our joint bank account. I was setting up my online banking and the computer asked me to choose another user name, as mvaleriano was "already in use" (who is this other mvaleriano? And did she marry into the name Valeriano? Because, if so, I'd like to argue that THAT name was already in use as of 1977). I had a brief flash of inspiration - why not use my married name to kick off my new bank account, and thus my new financial reality?
So there it was: MSalta. My new username, my new identity.
Who on earth is M Salta? Someone who will not legally exist until our wedding in September. Someone who has lived her whole life under another name, had kids in school call her by her surname ("Hoy, Valeriano!"), has all the hangups and psychological associations with a long, multisyllable, vaguely Italian sounding, hard to spell word at the beginning of all her legal documents. Also someone whose ancestors are quite well known (Col. Napoleon Valeriano, you can't make his name up, was a famous army commander in the 1950s in the Philippines. Ditto for my uncle, Vic Valeriano, who is in the US Army Ranger Hall of Fame).
Beginning September, my name will be literally cut in half. The upside: no more spending an extra 5 minutes spelling my name out over the phone when making transactions. No more people asking if I am Italian (although ironically, Salta is short for Saltalamacchia, and my husband's ancestors are Italian).
The downside: well, I just never thought about being called anything different before. It's like someone giving you a new birthday - suddenly, something you have lived with your entire life is completely changed. And just like a new birthday, it has ramifications. If you were born in June and suddenly had your birthday changed to December, you can now expect to have only 1 birthday/Christmas gift (trust me, I'm a December baby). You will also have to start rethinking your birthday parties, from beach BBQs to ski trips. And what about your new astrological sign?
Will people think better of me with a shorter, less ethnic sounding name? Will they hear my name on the phone and assume I am a different color, socio-economic background or education level than when I had my old name? Should I do the witness protection thing and change my first name too?
And what happens now that people can't recognize my last name anymore? What about the pride I used to feel when people said, "Valeriano? Are you related to that Valeriano? Oh how wonderful!" Granted, there are fantastic Saltas in the world, and obviously I will love to finally be a part of my wonderful in-laws, who have been nothing but loving and supportive. But a part of me is sad that my name will no longer reflect my lineage, or the time I have put into making my family proud by burnishing their name through my accomplishments.
It makes me briefly think of sticking to my guns and saying no, I will keep my name, dammit. I've worked way too hard on it to give it up as a sign of "belonging" to someone. I am nobody's property. And while I'm at it I shall burn my bra!
But really, isn't that why I am marrying? To belong to another person and and embrace another tribe? To have my kids belong to a family and not 2 individuals? If I wanted to keep my name I could have easily gone Hollywood and had a Brad and Angelina relationship, partners for life but not wedded spouses. But like I said - A Filipina born and bred. I don't roll with casual partnerships. And without the ceremony before God and man making the union official, it would never feel right. And I guess... neither would keeping my name.
What's in a re-name? I guess I am about to find out. And I hope (which I think it will) that the new name just adds another layer of richness, another chapter in the book of my life. If people read into me far enough, they'll see who I've come from and where I've been. Then I can spell my old name out for them and relish the fact that I don't have to do it as often anymore.
July 12, 2010
June 15, 2010
Sheila Kelly Speaks the Truth
Just a quick shout out to the ever lovely, ever inspiring Sheila Kelly (from the pole-dancing school S Factor, whose message of self-love and self-discovery has women all over the US moving in time to their own rhythm). Val discovered an interview on the Tabby Biddle blog and I wanted to share it with you all. Tabby - thank you for your well thought out questions!
I hope you can read the whole article through - it's an unbelievably powerful manifesto of freeing yourself from sexual repression (and no, that does not equate to acting like a slut). It's also a challenge for women everywhere to celebrate our sexual energy, that wonderful and mysterious part of us that makes us powerful, beautiful and unique.
Let's stop thinking of "sexy" as a dress size, a certain height, or a certain lack of clothing. Sexy is a mindset - a position of loving ourselves and showing that love to the world. Nobody proves it better than Sheila.
Check out Sheila's fabulous interview HERE.
May 27, 2010
Welcome Valeria!
In a bizarre twist, it seems that Footsie SF women tend to attract namesakes. There's Monica Michelle, Michelle Valeriano, Valerie Cunningham - and now, Valeria Navea.
Valeria is an incoming junior at USC and is bringing her fresh perspective, seasoned marketing skills and awesome attitude to Footsie for the summer. We are so excited to have her on board and have a great summer with our new addition!
Watch out for more of Valeria's story, thoughts and perspectives on being a woman - right here on Footsie SF.
May 19, 2010
The many shapes of beauty
"If I were in the market for a service like this," she wrote, "I would be very self-conscious and unsure about booking a party. I know your site says everyone woman's beautiful, but it can be hard to believe that your service can make an average, larger or older women look good, too."
Karen, you're not alone. I get this question/sentiment a lot when I talk to women about our parties. At first, us Footsie ladies were just plain blown away by the number of nubile, beautiful women who allowed themselves to be photographed and appear on our site. BUT - precisely because these women are beautiful (and most of them have modeled at one time or other), they do belong to the very rare percentage of females who don't mind showing their bodies in public. I mentioned to Karen that it's challenging to find a woman who doesn't have perfect model proportions to be willing to bare it all for the web.
Now....Here's the amazing, mind blowing part. Karen actually agreed to model for us. Not only that - she brought her friend Melissa. Not only THAT - they both agreed to show their pictures on our site!
Karen and Melissa joined our uber hairstylist Lisa Holt (who also volunteered to be in front of the camera) and did a boudoir shoot so fun, they wished we had started earlier and ended MUCH later. Here are some of the gorgeous pictures we got from the day.
I mean.... HOLY COW! Over and above the absolute gorgeousness, you can sense how relaxed, happy and confident these women are (this is also a huge testament to Val Cunningham's fashion styling and Monica Michelle's photographic prowess).
So. Any doubts about whether a non-model-sized woman can be beautiful in a boudoir picture? Any objections to the statement that beauty comes in all shapes, colors and sizes? Yeah.... didn't think so.
April 29, 2010
Hot Momma Specials for May!
As we move ever deeper into Spring, the season of rebirth, Footsie Boudoir would like to give a big, enthusiastic shout out to the people we all come from - our mothers!
That’s right - all you women out there, raising kids of all ages. Staying up late to handle breast feeding, slumber parties, bad dreams, and curfew breaking. All of you who prep breakfast, dinner, milk bottles and midnight snacks. Who work so hard to make life good for your kids, so your kids can grow up and make life good for others.
To show our thanks, we’re making it easier than ever for moms across the Bay to get some girl time, get some “me” time, and get gorgeous for the camera!
For the month of May, all hot mommas can avail of the following knockout Footsie Boudoir deals. Choose ONE per party:
- Host a party with Footsie SF and get a free, 8x10 ready to frame print! Value: $70
- If half the women in your group are mothers, get 10% off on your party! Value: $150
- Let us use your photos on our website and print materials, and get 20% off on your party! Value: $300
Parties are booking FAST so email us or call (510) 919-7513 today. See you soon!
April 22, 2010
Hot Mommas - 3 reflections on beauty and motherhood
As an all-woman company, Mother's day - which is just around the corner - is a special day for us at Footsie Boudoir. Not only is Monica the proud mother of 2, but many of our guests are mothers as well - and have shared their baby pictures and stories as they posed with us.
A lot of women say that they are frightened of pregnancy and motherhood, not just for the awesome responsibility but the physical toll it takes on a woman's body. Let's face it - gravity and pregnancy don't usually conspire to make us tighter or more svelte. But motherhood in all its messy, crazy glory rewards women in other ways: making them wiser, more caring, and ultimately more beautiful.
We asked 3 moms - all Footsie guests at one point or another - to weigh in on how having kids has given them new ideas and perceptions of beauty. Our hot mommas are:
Britt Michaelian
The Smart Start Up Coach for Moms http://BrittMichaelian.com
3 children
Karen Jones
Administrative Assistant at Towers Perrin
1 child
Alicia Dunams
Author, business coach and publishing consultant - www.aliciadunams.com
1 child
Some things change (their personal meaning of the word "beauty"), and some things don't (the stretchmarks and saggy bellies). Ultimately, however, these women don't have a problem finding beauty in themselves - and teaching their children to do the same.
We hope that moms out there can sympathize. Feel free to add your own thoughts on the comment area!
Has your definition of beauty changed since having children? How so?
BRITT: Yes! When you look at your own children, you think they are absolutely gorgeous. When they smile, laugh, hug, kiss, sleep and even cry... there is beauty in each facet of humanity. I've learned to appreciate the beauty in everyone. When I took S Factor - yes, pole dancing class - I learned for the first time in my life to see the beauty in every woman's curves no matter how big or small. Sexy is an attitude. Beauty comes from within.
KAREN: My definition has not changed. No matter how caught up I might get sometimes with the media prescribed image of beauty, I’ve always leaned towards the theory that beauty is on the inside.
ALICIA: I approach beauty [post motherhood] in a more mature way. It's not what you look like rather, but how you act.
Do you feel more beautiful now that you are a mother, or less so? Why?
ALICIA: I am more beautiful as a mother because I have created a life and have a greater purpose than I did before.
KAREN: I feel less beautiful now but it has nothing to do with living the life of a mother; just the physical changes in my body that got me here.
BRITT: I do feel more beautiful now because I am confident and I really don't care too much about what others think of my appearance. Before I had children, I was very aware of the opinions of others and it did have an effect on me. Now, as long as my family is happy and healthy, that's all that really matters.
Do you have less body issues/concerns now that you are a mother, or more of them?
KAREN: About the same but their focus changed a little.
ALICIA: I think I have the same body issues, but they don't consume my day like they did when I was childless.
BRITT: Probably less.
What concerns you the most?
KAREN: My larger stomach and the abdominal skin that lost its elasticity, never to shrink back. I can deal with the cellulite and sagging (bras can work wonders!). I believe that one day, when I’ve decided to not have any more children, I’d like to get a tummy tuck to remove the sagging, stretched out skin but I don’t intend to suck out all the fat I’m too lazy to deal with in a healthy way. That’s something I’ll have to handle on my own.
ALICIA: Losing 5-10 pounds.
BRITT: My tummy will never be as flat as it was before three full term pregnancies. And while I would love to say that it doesn't bother me... honestly, I would love to have it fixed! I have tried working out, creams, lasers etc and unfortunately the only way to fix skin that is as stretched out as mine is to have surgery. I may do it one day, but for now it seems like a risk I can avoid by wearing a one piece bathing suit.
What do you do to address these concerns?
KAREN: Live with it as best I can, try not to look in the mirror much. I know I’m beautiful on the inside and the less I see myself in the mirror the easier it is to delude myself into thinking I look better than I do. Until I have the time and money for a personal trainer and chef, this will have to do.
ALICIA: Work out more.
What do you consider to be the most attractive aspect of you? How does this differ from before kids?
ALICIA: My laid back attitude and confidence.
BRITT: My attitude is my best feature. There is a confidence that comes with being a mother. You know that you love and you are loved and there is a security in knowing that. Before I had kids, I felt vulnerable and unsure of what my purpose was. After having kids, I knew that no matter what, if I was a loving mom, my kids would be the best investment of time and energy I could ever make. My kids were my top priority and they gave me purpose, which in turn gives me confidence.
KAREN: As a mother I don’t focus on my physical self as much as I did before children. I try to be of the opinion that this is who I am, if it’s not good enough for others, too bad. I’m here to be a good mother, not a model. If I spend too much time focusing on myself and my flaws then my daughter will pick up those cues and nasty habits. I don’t want her to grow up with a negative self-image or constantly worrying about it. I want her to be healthy in mind and body.
What do you do to make yourself feel beautiful and attractive?
BRITT: Self-care for me is a lot about having mental clarity and being relaxed. I don't take anything too seriously including myself. I take pretty good care of my skin with good products and facials. I'd like to say that I exercise, but I don't as much as I'd like to.
KAREN: It’s the little things that make me feel better since I don’t have as much time for myself as I once did. Getting a haircut, shaving, waxing, manicures, just taking care of myself. As a mom it’s so easy to let those things go in the interest of time and/or money.
ALICIA: Exercise and relax.
When your kids ask "what makes a person beautiful" - what do you say?
KAREN: Not everyone has the same idea of what’s beautiful just like not everyone likes the same food or the same color. It’s OK to think something is beautiful even if other people don’t agree with you. There is beauty on the outside as well as beauty on the inside. We can all see the outside but people are also beautiful on the inside because of the things they do or say such as being nice to each other and
helping each other.
ALICIA: [I say it's] their mind, attitude, confidence and, most importantly, how they treat other people.
BRITT: Confidence, kindness and love :)
A lot of women say that they are frightened of pregnancy and motherhood, not just for the awesome responsibility but the physical toll it takes on a woman's body. Let's face it - gravity and pregnancy don't usually conspire to make us tighter or more svelte. But motherhood in all its messy, crazy glory rewards women in other ways: making them wiser, more caring, and ultimately more beautiful.
We asked 3 moms - all Footsie guests at one point or another - to weigh in on how having kids has given them new ideas and perceptions of beauty. Our hot mommas are:
Britt Michaelian
The Smart Start Up Coach for Moms http://BrittMichaelian.com
3 children
Administrative Assistant at Towers Perrin
1 child
Author, business coach and publishing consultant - www.aliciadunams.com
1 child
Some things change (their personal meaning of the word "beauty"), and some things don't (the stretchmarks and saggy bellies). Ultimately, however, these women don't have a problem finding beauty in themselves - and teaching their children to do the same.
We hope that moms out there can sympathize. Feel free to add your own thoughts on the comment area!
Has your definition of beauty changed since having children? How so?
BRITT: Yes! When you look at your own children, you think they are absolutely gorgeous. When they smile, laugh, hug, kiss, sleep and even cry... there is beauty in each facet of humanity. I've learned to appreciate the beauty in everyone. When I took S Factor - yes, pole dancing class - I learned for the first time in my life to see the beauty in every woman's curves no matter how big or small. Sexy is an attitude. Beauty comes from within.
KAREN: My definition has not changed. No matter how caught up I might get sometimes with the media prescribed image of beauty, I’ve always leaned towards the theory that beauty is on the inside.
ALICIA: I approach beauty [post motherhood] in a more mature way. It's not what you look like rather, but how you act.
Do you feel more beautiful now that you are a mother, or less so? Why?
ALICIA: I am more beautiful as a mother because I have created a life and have a greater purpose than I did before.
KAREN: I feel less beautiful now but it has nothing to do with living the life of a mother; just the physical changes in my body that got me here.
BRITT: I do feel more beautiful now because I am confident and I really don't care too much about what others think of my appearance. Before I had children, I was very aware of the opinions of others and it did have an effect on me. Now, as long as my family is happy and healthy, that's all that really matters.
Do you have less body issues/concerns now that you are a mother, or more of them?
KAREN: About the same but their focus changed a little.
ALICIA: I think I have the same body issues, but they don't consume my day like they did when I was childless.
BRITT: Probably less.
What concerns you the most?
KAREN: My larger stomach and the abdominal skin that lost its elasticity, never to shrink back. I can deal with the cellulite and sagging (bras can work wonders!). I believe that one day, when I’ve decided to not have any more children, I’d like to get a tummy tuck to remove the sagging, stretched out skin but I don’t intend to suck out all the fat I’m too lazy to deal with in a healthy way. That’s something I’ll have to handle on my own.
ALICIA: Losing 5-10 pounds.
BRITT: My tummy will never be as flat as it was before three full term pregnancies. And while I would love to say that it doesn't bother me... honestly, I would love to have it fixed! I have tried working out, creams, lasers etc and unfortunately the only way to fix skin that is as stretched out as mine is to have surgery. I may do it one day, but for now it seems like a risk I can avoid by wearing a one piece bathing suit.
What do you do to address these concerns?
KAREN: Live with it as best I can, try not to look in the mirror much. I know I’m beautiful on the inside and the less I see myself in the mirror the easier it is to delude myself into thinking I look better than I do. Until I have the time and money for a personal trainer and chef, this will have to do.
ALICIA: Work out more.
What do you consider to be the most attractive aspect of you? How does this differ from before kids?
ALICIA: My laid back attitude and confidence.
BRITT: My attitude is my best feature. There is a confidence that comes with being a mother. You know that you love and you are loved and there is a security in knowing that. Before I had kids, I felt vulnerable and unsure of what my purpose was. After having kids, I knew that no matter what, if I was a loving mom, my kids would be the best investment of time and energy I could ever make. My kids were my top priority and they gave me purpose, which in turn gives me confidence.
KAREN: As a mother I don’t focus on my physical self as much as I did before children. I try to be of the opinion that this is who I am, if it’s not good enough for others, too bad. I’m here to be a good mother, not a model. If I spend too much time focusing on myself and my flaws then my daughter will pick up those cues and nasty habits. I don’t want her to grow up with a negative self-image or constantly worrying about it. I want her to be healthy in mind and body.
What do you do to make yourself feel beautiful and attractive?
BRITT: Self-care for me is a lot about having mental clarity and being relaxed. I don't take anything too seriously including myself. I take pretty good care of my skin with good products and facials. I'd like to say that I exercise, but I don't as much as I'd like to.
KAREN: It’s the little things that make me feel better since I don’t have as much time for myself as I once did. Getting a haircut, shaving, waxing, manicures, just taking care of myself. As a mom it’s so easy to let those things go in the interest of time and/or money.
ALICIA: Exercise and relax.
When your kids ask "what makes a person beautiful" - what do you say?
KAREN: Not everyone has the same idea of what’s beautiful just like not everyone likes the same food or the same color. It’s OK to think something is beautiful even if other people don’t agree with you. There is beauty on the outside as well as beauty on the inside. We can all see the outside but people are also beautiful on the inside because of the things they do or say such as being nice to each other and
helping each other.
ALICIA: [I say it's] their mind, attitude, confidence and, most importantly, how they treat other people.
BRITT: Confidence, kindness and love :)
April 6, 2010
Meet Lakshmi, the Goddess of Wealth and Fortune
We at Footsie talk incessantly about your wonderful Inner Goddess - that all powerful, all feminine part of you that sometimes needs to be coaxed out to play.
That's why we thought we'd honor some of our favorite, real-life Goddesses from the world's different cultures. Nothing like setting a good example for the powerful woman within!
This month's feature: Lakshmi, Hindu Goddess of Wealth and Fortune
The word ''Lakshmi'' is derived from the Sanskrit word Laksme, meaning "goal." Lakshmi, therefore, represents the goal of life, which includes worldly as well as spiritual prosperity. In Hindu mythology, Goddess Lakshmi, also called Shri, is the divine spouse of Lord Vishnu and provides Him with wealth for the maintenance and preservation of the creation.
In her images and pictures, Lakshmi is depicted with four arms. She wears red clothes with a golden lining and is standing on a lotus.
The four arms represent the four directions of space - symbolizing her omnipresence and omnipotence. The red color sybolizes activity. The golden lining (embroidery) denotes prosperity. The idea conveyed here is that the Goddess is always busy distributing wealth and prosperity.
Lakshmi also has contemporaries in other religions:
Diana - The Roman goddess of the hunt (Artemis in Greek) who helps keep you focused on attaining your goal.
Bridgid - Celtic Irish goddess of inspiration, poetry, birth and blacksmithing; she helps you find your creative flow.
Nemesis - Of course she's a woman... the Greek goddess of retribution helps you handle office politics and troublemakers while helping you see ways you sabotage yourself - so you can avoid them.
You see, ladies? In our daily battles with dollars, doldrums and disappointment - we're hardly alone. Cultures throughout history have given us wonderful archetypes to empower ourselves, create and distribute wealth, move forward with the things we want to do, overcome any obstacles in our way. With all these fierce and fortune-giving ladies on your side, you can do anything!
That's why we thought we'd honor some of our favorite, real-life Goddesses from the world's different cultures. Nothing like setting a good example for the powerful woman within!
This month's feature: Lakshmi, Hindu Goddess of Wealth and Fortune
The word ''Lakshmi'' is derived from the Sanskrit word Laksme, meaning "goal." Lakshmi, therefore, represents the goal of life, which includes worldly as well as spiritual prosperity. In Hindu mythology, Goddess Lakshmi, also called Shri, is the divine spouse of Lord Vishnu and provides Him with wealth for the maintenance and preservation of the creation.
In her images and pictures, Lakshmi is depicted with four arms. She wears red clothes with a golden lining and is standing on a lotus.
The four arms represent the four directions of space - symbolizing her omnipresence and omnipotence. The red color sybolizes activity. The golden lining (embroidery) denotes prosperity. The idea conveyed here is that the Goddess is always busy distributing wealth and prosperity.
Lakshmi also has contemporaries in other religions:
You see, ladies? In our daily battles with dollars, doldrums and disappointment - we're hardly alone. Cultures throughout history have given us wonderful archetypes to empower ourselves, create and distribute wealth, move forward with the things we want to do, overcome any obstacles in our way. With all these fierce and fortune-giving ladies on your side, you can do anything!
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